What Your Heart Really Needs This Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day can bring up an array of emotions for so many of us.  Remembrance of love lost, grief, loneliness, or even unrealistic expectations of a requited love.  Whatever the emotion or feeling- they hinge upon love.  

Love is the most basic of human needs. We are created to need it from birth.  Our brain’s reward centers respond to it, we spend a lifetime longing for it and pursuing it.  We are wired for love.  

But somewhere along the way the wait can feel too long, we’ve had our heart trampled on one too many times, a spouse doesn’t hold up their end of deal, or the picture perfect life is coming up empty.  Whatever the catalyst,  we eventually can no longer tune out our soul’s cry for something more.

I’ve been in a season of soul searching myself these days.  I met my spouse while I was young, married young, and had kids young.  Sixteen years later I’m surrounded by friends who are either still waiting for their first spouse, to conceive a child, facing divorce, or are mourning the death of a spouse.  To some, it may seem like I have all the things my heart has longed for- yet I still have an ache in my soul that nothing in this world can satisfy.   

We’re all in Need


Even the most in-love couple has a need this Valentine’s Day (and everyday really).  We all have a deep longing to be loved and accepted unconditionally. Beyond the love of a devoted spouse or parent, there is a place in the caverns of our soul that needs comfort and love that no human has access to.  We need a revelation that no matter what our life looks like on the outside, that nothing external can be a permanent substitute for the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God.

About a year ago, I desperately needed a fresh revelation of God’s love.  I took time to reflect on what my heart believed about God’s love.  Sunday school songs came to mind- “Jesus loves me this I know for the Bible tells me so”.  I thought to myself, ‘Okay, Jesus loves me, this should be easy to find in the Bible and I can meditate on these scriptures’.  The first scripture that came to mind was “For God so loved the world” John 3:16. Yes, He loves the world, but I needed something more personal directed to me. After some searching and waiting He showed me this-

“The Lord your God is in your midst, a victorious warrior.  He will exult over you with joy, He will be quiet in His love, He will rejoice over you with shouts of joy.”  Zephaniah 3:17 NASB

If envisioning Him shouting over me with joy wasn’t enough to make me feel personally loved, I also found these:

“I have loved you with an everlasting love” Jeremiah 31:3

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you” Jeremiah 1:5

“We love, because He first loved us.” 1 John 4:19


Fast forward to yesterday,  I caught the lyrics of Corey Asbury’s Reckless Love in the background and I reminded myself to go search for the song.  I played it once and the tears started flowing. I played it on repeat for quite a while and just stayed in a place of being overwhelmed by God’s love. 

Here are some the lyrics:

Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God

Oh, it chases me down, fights ’til I’m found, leaves the ninety-nine

I couldn’t earn it

I don’t deserve it

Still You give yourself away

Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God

You are Loved


Friend, you are loved.  I mean really, really loved.  Not a generic love that puts you in a lump sum with all of humanity.  This love is a deeply personal and intimate  ‘chasing us down, kicking down doors, tearing down lies, leaving the 99 sheep to find that one that is lost’ kind of love.  

My soul longs for that kind of love.  Not the love the world sells.  The world and our humanity tells us there is a shortcut to that deep love, that humans can make us feel it if you just find your soulmate. But humans inevitably disappoint and are unable to touch that deep place in our soul, leaving us to pursue other things to numb the pain and emptiness of feeling unloved.  Life becomes and endless cycle- an experiment to find happiness and fulfillment- an ongoing quest to find True Love.  

God puts a desire in our hearts to be deeply known and loved so that we will pursue Him, find Him, and rest in Him no matter what our external circumstances are.  The results of this True Love are an unshakable confidence, a peace that passes understanding, and a deep abiding security that doesn’t have a price tag. We can’t earn it, we don’t deserve it, yet He freely gives His love away. Will you accept this perfect gift from Him today? 

Response : Whether this Valentine’s Day finds you with your beloved or all alone, carve out some time today to be alone with the Lover of your soul.  Find a quiet space away from distractions, play this song , and ask Him to reveal His love to you.  Let the tears flow and let His love wash over your disappointments, your fears, and touch that place in your soul that only He can.  

Tip: you may want to put this song on repeat and dwell for a while.

Happy Valentine’s Day

kahn photo
Elizabeth and her husband have called Cary, NC their home since 2001. She attempts to gracefully balance marriage, raising their four children, and subdue the creative mess that she seems to leave in her wake. With a background in Social Work, Elizabeth is passionate about encouraging others in both practical and spiritual growth.